EPISODE 14: ABBY MARRIOTT

Interview by Anna Williams
Photograph by Nadiv Hossain

March 15, 2020

My dad still laughs that I’m here because I’m the world’s biggest hypochondriac. As kids, we’re told that the only way you can get sick is if you catch it from someone else. If you sneeze, you’re supposed to cover your nose and your mouth so you don’t give it to other kids.
 
My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 1996 when I was two. She won proverbial battles, but lost the war, and died four years later in 2000, when I was six and my brother was nine. To me, the idea of my mom having a “sickness” (which is how it was described to my brother and me) meant it was contagious. When she died, in my young head, I thought, anything I can catch can do that. I went through a really hard time battling that. I was scared to go into rooms sometimes or to touch the floor. I couldn’t differentiate my mom’s cancer from a bacterial infection or a virus. Really, she was a victim of a cell cycle that went out of whack.
 
When I was a senior in high school, I took AP biology and it was the first time that I learned about mitosis, meiosis, and the cell cycle. It was the first time that I could actually describe what had happened to my mom, in a very real way. It started making sense. That was the point when I was like, “this is really cool. I want to explore this some more.” It was the first time I really considered science as a career. My mom’s cancer is definitely the main reason I’m here.
 
In college, I did research on acute myeloid leukemia. I’ll be the first one to say I absolutely hate bench research and I will never do it again. I totally understand and appreciate the need for it and I even more so appreciate the people who are willing to do it, but the idea of sitting in a lab for 7 hours for a Western blot to not even work was just too disheartening. There was no one to talk to. It would just happen and then I’d go home and think, “what do I have to show for this day? Nothing.” It taught me a lot, but it wasn’t rewarding in the way I hoped it would’ve been. But you know, everyone goes into research thinking that they're going to find the cure to cancer. Very quickly you realize that’s not how it works.
 
After I graduated, I got a job at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, working in the pediatric pavilion as a Patient Services Coordinator. My boss said this to me on my first day: “No one’s going to want to hear about your job. I’m not trying to be a bitch. What I’m saying is that when people hear that when you work in pediatric cancer, it’s kind of a conversation stopper.” It’s funny. I really did find that to be the case. People didn’t know how to respond to me. They don’t know how to react to that. Is it the saddest thing you’ve ever done? Do you like it? Is it fucked up if you like it? In a world where our peers work in marketing and finance, working in pediatric cancer is one way to throw a nuke into a conversation.
 
It’s kind of the same when you tell people that your mom has died. It’s hard because people don’t know if they should acknowledge that I’ve said that and how they should acknowledge it. I can tell it’s straining them and so it strains me even more to try to give them an adequate response to feel like it’s okay. Because it is okay. It’s never not going to be fresh, but I’ve had 19 years. I’m totally good. You don’t even need to say “I’m sorry.” It’s kind of a fact of my life at this point.
 
My mom’s death is a defining moment of my life that’s been redefined. As I get older, there’s a lot that I realize I don’t have her here for, like Mother’s Day or her birthday or when I went through puberty. It’s defining. It’s not negative. I don’t think I would have even batted an eyelash at medicine if my mom hadn’t gotten sick. I love what I do and I love being here. Things are unfair, but I like to use the mindset that things happen for a reason because it reframes negative outlooks.
 
My New Year’s resolution is to be the captain of my own cheer-leading team, which I know is corny, but it’s important to me because I am, as many students are, my own worst critic. I frequently forget that I’m human. It’s easy to forget, especially in this world where it’s no longer sufficient to get a 4.0 GPA and a 528 MCAT. You have to volunteer at five different places and be the president of a club. Then, when you get into medical school, it’s no longer sufficient to just get by. You have to do all of these things to place into a residency. I’ve had to work on redefining who I am. I’ve realized that I’m here and that’s enough right now. Things will work out. They always do. I’m working on being dependent on myself for the love and support that I need.

What are your 5 Most Recently Played Artists on Spotify? 
REO Speedwagon, Drake, the goddess that is Taylor Swift, Counting Crows, and Red Hot Chili Peppers

If you could have any superpower, which one would you choose?
Time travel. I’d love to talk to my mom from an older perspective.

Pick something or someone from NYMC to give a shout-out to!
Mod 305. As much as I hate all the required hours we spend in there, I can always guarantee I’m going to get a laugh, whether it’s from Aaron, Devon, or Tori. Just my whole mod, they’re the best. It’s the 305 for Miami, Florida.

If someone wants to talk to you, they should lead with: 
Their favorite Taylor Swift song. If they don’t like Taylor Swift, then they shouldn’t talk to me, just kidding… They should tell me what excites them.