Episode 6: Julia Wilkins

November 13, 2017

Growing up, I moved around a lot. I was born in Colorado, lived in Texas for a few years, grew up in Ohio, and before NYMC, I was living in California.

My dad is an orchestra conductor and my mom is a retired professional ballerina. My family moved wherever dad was conducting or mom was dancing. We moved to Ohio because my mom got hired by a ballet company there. I think my drive and passion for life comes from watching my parents. Because both of them followed their dreams for music and ballet; I was raised to follow my passion.

You see that in my brother and I. My brother is a professional skateboarder, and in 2014 was the youngest to win the X games in vert skateboarding! For the first 19 years of my life, gymnastics was my passion. Everywhere I moved, I always came back to gymnastics. It was the constant in my life, it kept me grounded.

When I started college, I was on a full athletic scholarship for gymnastics. Then, I broke my medial epicondyle right before I started school. It gave me pause and a chance to reflect. I remember feeling exhausted. I was shocked to realize that I didn’t want to continue with gymnastics anymore.
That was such a vulnerable moment for me. I had done gymnastics for nearly 15 years. That was how I defined myself; I was a gymnast. I wasn’t involved in a lot of stuff in high school because I was always in the gym. I was Julia, the gymnast. And so the idea of leaving that, was terrifying. I remember asking myself: “Who am I outside of that.”

I think the word retirement comes to mind. I was at a crossroads, and I had to make a really tough choice. I will never forget walking to my head coach’s office to tell him that I didn’t want to be on the team anymore. Because it was honest, and I was struggling with the truth. It’s a decision that I made, and I had to be responsible for the consequences- I had to reconcile that I was letting something I loved so much go. Its like letting go of someone you love, no matter how bittersweet it is; how much I would miss it; how much of my life it represented, it wasn’t right for me anymore. It wasn’t allowing me to grow as a person anymore.

And so I feel like I left the sport bitter. Because I knew I was going to miss it so much, I blamed it for causing me pain. Its always easier to blame something than to recognize how you really feel. For me at the time, I felt disappointed, hurt and lost. And its taken me a long time to heal from losing something that I cared so much about.

Rediscovering myself after that was so hard. I went from being on a close nit team of 15 girls and could not have made a larger leap into Ohio State University, which has nearly 45,000 students. All of a sudden, I become this infinitesimal little fish in this massive ocean. I didn't have a team; I didn't have my constant. Sometimes, I felt like I didn't have anything... Healing, was such a slow process. It took me until junior or senior year of college, where I found the School of Public Health, that I found a small community again. The connections I had been searching for. The 18 people at the college of public health, became like my new team. In many ways, it taught me that I had always been about more than gymnastics. I had other interests, other passions too. Like the fact that I was passionate about connecting with and helping others.

In many ways, medicine was my leap of faith from gymnastics. It represents how much I have grown. My junior year of college, I went abroad to India to study health disparities. I remember going to an orphanage for children with mental health illnesses. Like everywhere else in the world, there’s such a stigma against mental health there, and it wasn’t uncommon for a lot of children with mental illnesses to be separated from their family. As soon as I walk into the orphanage, this small child runs up to me and holds my hand. He held my hand for the whole day that I was there. He was deaf and we couldn't communicate with language or sound. And so the only way we could connect was through touch. I will never forget that. That left such an impression on me. I wanted to be connected like that to people. Through so much care, and compassion.
I think that's when I realized, maybe I wasn’t so lost anymore.

I feel like when I was on a gymnastic team, people were always encouraging and being supportive. In med school, it feels that way too. Both are so hard. In many ways, I feel like I hadn’t been challenged like I was in gymnastics until I got here. In medical school, I am constantly pushed and I realize how much I have missed that. I felt that I had completely lost that. But here I am, growing in a way I have always wanted. Being supported and surrounded by amazing peers. Being on that close nit team.

Ideally, everything I do in life, I want to be confident in. I want to be absolutely sure. But I know I will have my moments of doubt, and that is ok.

Leaving gymnastics was so hard, and I still really miss it.

“All I can do is try”

What are your 5 Most Recently Played Artists on Spotify?
Bon Iver, Leon Bridges, Sam Smith’s new album, Ke$ha, Thomas Rhett

If you could have any superpower, which one would you choose?
To fly!

Pick something or someone from NYMC go give out a shout out to!
To everyone participating in the powderpuff game this Sunday! Thanks to my co-captain, the players, the coaches, the booster club, and the dance team.
Also, shout out to the only other Buckeye in the M1 class!

If someone wanted to talk to you, they should lead with…:
A smile :) ​