Episode 42: Meghan Derken

January 23, 2019

I think a lot of the “hardest things I’ve done” are the typical things that lots of people tend to be proud of. Things like graduating college and getting into med school, I feel like are what people are expecting me to say when answering that question. And I know that a lot of people do feel that way and they are proud of those accomplishments, because they are hard. But for me, the first thing that comes to mind was teaching.

I taught for two years before medical school at a charter school in DC. I taught at a charter school in Washington DC, which has one of the worst public school systems in the country. My school was in Ward 8, which has one of the highest unemployment and school dropout rates in the city. Teaching was the first time in my life that things always felt out of my control, even if they weren’t. This made my first year of teaching really difficult. I had a really hard time with behavior management. I was 22 at the time, which if you think about it is REALLY young to be in front of a classroom. I didn’t know anything, but my students still looked at me as THE adult in the room. I’m not typically an emotional person or a crier, but I literally don’t think I ever cried as much as I did that first year out of college. For the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn’t good at something. I began to question if it was even worth it to keep trying this hard for something that I’m not good at.

Things eventually did get better. My second year teaching made such a huge difference, having been there for a year already and knowing not to be TOO nice to the kids. They have to remember that you’re there to teach them, not to be their buddy. This really made a huge difference in terms of managing my classes, and the students really responded to me as an authority figure. A lot of my kids didn’t always have an adult at home - they were raised by siblings or grandparents, or THEY were the ones raising their siblings. For some of my students, I was THE adult in their lives, which wasn’t a role that I felt ready to fill. It’s funny, they always asked me about my personal life - am I married? Do I have kids? I made some amazing relationships with my students. When I was teaching, it was easy to forget that some of my kids come from tough backgrounds. When it felt like all of them against me, they could seem like little monsters. But when you stop and talk to them one on one, you stop and remember, “you’re just a kid.” And my kids were really sweet, funny kids. Everyone had their own story. It was easy for me to acknowledge when my kids were frustrating me, but it’s much harder to remember WHY they were acting the way they were. I tried to keep this in mind in the classroom. Remembering that behavior is a form of communication was so important for me when I was teaching, but also much easier said than done. Everybody acts the way they do for a certain reason - it’s not random chance.

Thinking back, one kid in particular sticks out to me. I worked with him as a tutor during my first year of teaching. Most teachers tend to remember their favorites, but I really disliked him. He was so manipulative, such a brat, and was so disruptive in classes. When I actually taught him the next year, we came in clashing heads from the start. By spring, we still hated each other. The worst part was he wasn’t doing well - he was getting straight Ds. One day after class, I was talking with him and told him that I wanted him to pick up his effort. He told me that I’m “so mean to him” and that I’m “always out to get him.” I told him he needs to prove to me that he cares; go home and study, and I’ll be able to tell the next day what kind of effort he put in. The next day after handing in his quiz, he slammed his books down and stormed out of the classroom. We both thought he’d failed. At lunch that day, when I told him he’d earned a 92, his jaw hit the floor. He told me he couldn’t believe that my advice would ACTUALLY work. It was the first time that he actually saw firsthand that the effort he puts forth actually DOES affect his grade. It might be one of the only times I saw him smile inside of a classroom. It’s also sad though, because he had gone that far thinking that putting in the time and work wouldn’t matter. This really stands out to me because it wasn’t like it was a kid I liked or was close with, but I was still able to have an impact on him.

I had a bit of an identity crisis when applying to medical school. Applications were expensive, I was worried my application wasn’t strong enough, so I applied to teach. After two years working when I did apply, I was waitlisted at a few school. While waiting I had come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to go to medical school, and I was pretty okay with it. People were very sympathetic, asking how I’d deal with “the end of my life”, but I accepted a job to stay with my school and was really excited about it. So, in mid-May when I got the acceptance from NYMC, it actually created a major dilemma of “what now”? I’d already accepted this job that I was really excited for, I was past the deferral deadline so I couldn’t teach for another year and go into school the next year. It really turned into a much harder decision than I’d have originally anticipated. At the end of the day, and as bad as this is to say, I think the biggest push towards medical school was people being impressed with me getting into med school. I didn’t get that reaction when I told people I was a teacher. But to be honest – and this isn’t to say med school is easy – but teaching was WAY harder than anything med school has thrown at me. It’s a whole different ball game.
​
Obviously, I ended up coming here and it’s worked out pretty well so far, but every so often I get a text from a student with a grade they got on a test or some accomplishment they’ve had. I love that two years out now, I’m still one of the few people they think to text that they’re doing well in school and are excited that I’m so proud of them. It’s been happening less and less frequently, and that makes me sad. It really was a tough two years, but I still loved it.

What are your 5 most recently played artists on Spotify?
Ariana Grande, Green Day, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Lady Gaga, Simon & Garfunkel

If you could have any superpower, which one would you choose?
Reading minds (I’m way too nosy)

Pick something or someone from NYMC to give a shoutout to!
The Giggling Gals of 1505 + Kendall for keeping me sane in this post-Christmas break slump

If someone wanted to talk to you, they should lead with…:
Let’s grab coffee! (The answer is always yes, my blood is probably ~60% coffee at this point)