Episode 44: Menasche Krupka
March 20, 2019
My son’s name is Ari, he was born this past summer (2018) on July 3rd. As his dad I’m surely biased, but he’s incredibly adorable. He’s almost 9 months now and it’s amazing to see how every day he develops and gets more and more loveable. Thinking back, it would have been crazy if he had been born around finals time last year. But it all worked out. It was very thoughtful of him to wait until I was done with school to come into the world.
During that first month I didn't have any school to worry about, and so I was able to spend a lot of time with him and my wife. At that point, it was all about holding him, and giving him a bottle and what not. As a newborn he wasn’t really doing too much, but even then, everything was amazing.
I’ve always been someone who likes to be hands-on, not sitting on the sidelines. The first week after Ari was born we had a baby nurse help us while my wife was recuperating. She helped us as we were getting acclimated to the joys and exhaustion of being first time parents. She was super sweet and helpful. But I mentioned to my wife that I was a little uncomfortable. I said “this is my child, I feel like I should be the one constantly caring for him, staying up late, and changing the diapers etc.”
My wife knows just how to deal with me. So, she said “for sure! Just tell the nurse that you will take Ari for the night”. And that's what I did, I took him and had him fall asleep on my chest. I had always envisioned this, the bliss of my newborn son sleeping peacefully on my chest. It was just perfect. Next thing I know, it’s 1:15 AM and Ari is crying. Try as I may, I couldn't console him. I felt bad about going back to wake the nurse and ask for help. So, I just kept trying to calm him myself. At around 2:30 AM I still hadn’t made any progress and Ari was still crying.
I glanced over at my wife and staring back at me I could see the all too familiar “I told you so” look. Although it was a long night, the idea of being as involved as possible in my child’s life is something that is important to me.
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I’m the 2nd oldest of 10 siblings. My oldest brother is 27, and my youngest sibling is 11. When people encounter large families, there can be an assumption that the household is chaotic and that parents of such a large family might have a difficult time connecting, loving, and giving ample attention to each one of their children. My upbringing was the complete opposite. I still don’t fully understand how my parents were able to do it, but they showered each one us with endless love and encouragement. They created a nurturing environment where family was paramount and each one of us looked out for one another.
I think sometimes when we think about the way a parent may express their love to their child we tend to focus on grand gestures or something out of the ordinary. But for me, it’s the small things that have really stayed with me. As a kid, I went to school right down the block from my home. It’s a 3 and a ½ minute walk. Yet, during the winter, when it was cold, my dad would heat up the car while we were eating breakfast and he would drive us down to school. Even though my dad was usually in a rush to get to work, it was important to him to show us that he loved us and that his greatest joy in the world was starting off his day with his kids.
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When I think about my parents it’s incredible how their lives are more about doing for others than doing for themselves.
My mom started one of the first summer programs for girls with special needs when she was only 18. Outside of her family, that has been her life’s joy. Her entire life revolves around helping children with special needs, she’s endlessly devoted to them. When she was young she realized that during the school year there were school programs that catered to the needs of children with intellectual disabilities. However, during the summer, there was a lack of options for these children. So, she took the initiative and created a summer program that is still thriving today. The camp is called Kesher – which means connection in Hebrew – she started with only 5 girls and now, 30 years later, there are close to 100 kids with special needs attending each summer.
My grandmother always tells over the following story. At the start of every summer my mom would host a big get together at our house for all the counselors and campers to get to know each other before the start of camp.
I was 5 years old and my best friend was over at my house. He was sitting with me in our backyard and he felt a little apprehensive and uneasy around the campers being that some of them looked a little different or acted a little different. My grandmother overheard me telling my best friend, that “these kids are just like you and me, they just need a little extra help.” That statement, coming from 5-year-old me, says little about me yet so much about my parents. They worked so hard to impress upon all their children that everyone deserves your respect and understanding, and through the way I observed them interacting with these kids it became second nature for me to share their perspective.
Kids are both impressionable and perceptive, they readily absorb that which is being said and done around them. They will develop a perspective of the world based on what they are exposed to. Seeing the way my parents cared about and interacted with these special children: as human beings deserving of equal care, compassion, and respect, naturally became the way I saw them as well.
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It never really hit me that I had become a parent until I held my son for the first time.Then everything became real, and I realized I was given the incredible gift to be able to care for and nurture this child. As well as the realization that he’s watching me, and the way I interact with the world.
The start of 2nd year was a massive transition for my wife and I. Ari wasn’t sleeping through the night yet and I was trying to transition back to life as a med student. Both my wife and I were beyond exhausted. Trying to balance school and my family was tough for me, but I refused to be a sideline dad, I was determined to be as involved as I could be – while still not dropping out of med school. It’s always challenging when I need to stay late at school to study, to have to be away from my son, and unable to help my wife. There are some mornings when I leave early to get to school, and then I have to stay late, and by the time I get home Ari is already asleep. Each day that I don’t get to hold him, see him, and interact with him, I feel like something is missing from my day. My wife is just amazing, being a mom came so naturally to her and she takes such amazing care of Ari. She is so encouraging and supportive of my career aspirations, without her none of this is possible.
Right before our most recent exam, I had to stay late on campus to study. I was in the library and my wife FaceTimed me with Ari before he was going to bed to wish me luck. I couldn’t even talk because I didn’t want to disturb everyone who was studying. Ari was smiling when he recognized me and he started waving his hands and grabbing the phone. I needed that. It’s about the small moments like that I try to have with him. That’s what it’s all about.
Every night at 7:15 PM, (if I’m not in school) I give Ari a bath. That’s our special time to hang out. So, if you see me rushing out of the library at around six o’clock it’s because I always try to make it home in time for bath-time. No matter what’s going on, I try to make that non-negotiable. That's Ari’s favorite part of the day, he has the best time in the bath, he laughs and splashes around with a huge smile on his face.
Now that I’m a parent, I realize that as a child, there really is no way that you could ever fully comprehend, measure or assess the amount of love that a parent has for you. You may think you know but it’s something that is just indescribable. I used to rarely say I love you on the phone to my parents. Not for any particular reason, it just wasn’t my thing I guess. But now, after having Ari, I can finally begin to understand the love of a parent for their child, and I make sure to tell my parents that I love them at every opportunity I get.
I think for me as a future physician, I will carry the lessons that my parents taught me. That there is no one that doesn't deserve my time, respect, or compassion. Whatever environment I will be in, no matter who I find myself interacting with, no matter where they come from, there is no one that doesn’t deserve my respect. Especially because my son is watching. The way I treat others and interact with the world, will one day shape his world.
What are your 5 most recently played artists on Spotify?
Ever since Ari came on scene i feel like all i've been listening to is Baby Shark and nursery rhymes
If you could have any superpower, which one would you choose?
I'm not sure if this counts, but having perfect recall is something that would be super helpful, I always find myself blanking on minor details while taking exams, I can envision the exact page in Pathoma or First Aid but the words I'm looking for just don't seem to be loading.
Pick something or someone from NYMC to give a shoutout to!
I have to give a shoutout to Coby my fellow Queens-commuter and all around partner in crime over the last year and a half, Mod 201 for being so awesome, also this is a bit of a throwback but I have to recognize my anatomy lab homies Cydney and Kamran - the first semester of med school was really challenging and you guys made the adjustment that much more enjoyable, lastlySuyu for putting so much time and effort into this project and for all his positive energy that keeps our class going
If someone wanted to talk to you, they should lead with…:
"Hey, can I see a picture of Ari ... ?"