episode 23: josh buckley

June 15, 2020

“Through darkness comes light, through fear comes love, through pain comes triumph. This is the triumph of the human spirit; it is not in a select few, it is in every one of us.” Today, we are experiencing a global awakening to the racism people of color face daily within their lives. The recent murders of unarmed black Americans (although this has been occurring for centuries) have spurred a national outcry for justice and police reform. I believe sharing my story can be helpful to the people seeking a better understanding what it means to be a black man in a white coat (these are my personal experiences and I do not speak for others). In eight minutes and forty-six seconds, Mr. Floyd was slowly executed. As a black man, I saw my own face in his, heard the gasps of air as those of my nephews, and the pleas of mercy as if they were from my older brother. The reality that this could occur to me or any of my loved ones because of the color of our skin is something that I continually struggle with.

Growing up, I lived in the inner city of Boston in a predominantly black neighborhood in Dorchester. I went through all of my schooling years in the suburbs outside the city through a program called METCO – the longest running desegregation program in the country that began in the 60s. Due to property taxes, a structural form of racism allowing segregation to endure, suburban schools were the only opportunity for me to receive a quality education. Living in two worlds, being from a black neighborhood and going to a white school, allowed me to see that people are much more alike than different. I learned to relate to people based on who they are and not based on their skin color. Those same sentiments were not always shared by my fellow peers, though. I faced the challenge of being a black American at a very early age and still to this day. Some of the challenges I have endured are being called racist names without provocation, followed around while shopping, accused of theft, racial jokes, being told I speak proper for a black person, harassment by police, unfair grading, and a multitude of other experiences.

We moved to the suburbs of West Roxbury when I was about 12 years old. It’s a predominantly white neighborhood, but people are usually very friendly. Two years ago, my lawnmower broke so I had to walk to the auto mechanic store that’s about a mile away from my house. It was a hot day, so I decided to take a break from walking and pulled out my phone to text a friend. I looked up from my phone to see 4 cops approaching me. Remembering my training I had as a child, I greeted the officers warmly and did not make any sudden movements. They asked me if I stole the lawnmower, and I just remember thinking, “who would want to steal a lawnmower?” As a young black man, I was always taught that it is especially important for me to respect police officers, not give them any backtalk, and be polite because of my skin color. If I give any sign of disrespect or anything like that, it’s more likely I’ll be arrested, go to jail, or have some other court sentence that will follow me for the rest of my life. It’s better to just avoid that by being as polite as I can. I gave the cops my license, verbalizing that I was reaching into my pocket to get it so they would not feel threatened. They proceeded to keep asking me inappropriate questions. I’d been living in this neighborhood for over a decade, but they were still questioning me as if I were an intruder which started to upset me. Finally, I pulled out my military ID from when I was in the Army National Guard and handed it to them. Immediately they flipped a switch, let me go, and apologized. It dawned on me then: what would have happened if I didn’t have my “get out of jail free” military ID and couldn’t prove that I was a “good black person?” Some days I struggle knowing many other people of color were not as lucky as I was.

Being black, every day I have to worry about how my actions or words might be perceived by others. Some people may see me and perceive me as a threat, uneducated, or a thief. Any one of my friends would describe me as friendly, open, and chill. That doesn’t change the fact that I could walk into a restaurant and people look at me weird. I can’t have my hoodie on and walk down the street behind a white woman, no matter how innocent I am. When I walk into a store, I always have to make sure my hands are in sight. No matter how successful or kind I am, I am constantly reminded that I am still a black man in America.

I’ve come to bottle up these negative experiences and let them be my fuel to reach a leadership position where I can work with others to help create a place where racism, sexism, heterosexism, or any other form of discrimination will not be tolerated. Both my parents grew up in the age of segregation, my dad in Mississippi and my mom in North Carolina. Despite every adversity, my dad became a court magistrate and my mom became a teacher. They have both had to endure much worse than I have and persevered regardless. Hearing their experiences empowers me even more to work hard to change the world for the better. I’ve been a tutor since 8th grade at The Salvation Army and at the Boston Boys and Girls Club, I’ve spoken at black schools to share my story and advice, and I want to continue to be a mentor to black youth throughout my life. I think a lot of black kids don’t even know the options that are out there for them to succeed, so I want to help them see what they are capable of.

My dream of becoming a physician was different from norm to say the least. As I was getting ready to graduate college, the Boston Marathon bombings happened. I decided then to join the Army National Guard. Graduating from Basic was the hardest, but proudest moment of my life, and it gave me even more resiliency to get through medical school later on. After that, I worked in a cubicle for 5 years doing IT. I knew I couldn’t do it for the rest of my life, and in talking to doctors and nurses, I decided to take an EMT course. Then I decided to go even further and apply to medical school. Finishing my first year at NYMC I know that making a career change was the best idea I have ever had. Being able to study the human body to help the most unfortunate has been a great experience so far.

What I love about living in New York now versus Boston is that it is such a melting pot. Going to bars in Boston, there are white spots and black spots, no in between. You go out in New York and there’s all these different races and cultures together in the same place. I personally love learning about other cultures, whether that be by going to mosque with my Muslim friend, asking my friends about their ethnic backgrounds, or traveling the world. I think sometimes people get scared broaching the topic of discussing black cultures because they feel it might be offensive. There’s a lot for me to be proud of in being black, from the cookouts to the music (and the fact that black don’t crack), and I want to share that with people.

I was filled with pride seeing the widespread outrage and condemnation on social media displayed by my classmates. The personal messages I received as well were very meaningful. I encourage everyone, though, to go a step further. Accept the reality of structural racism, privilege, micro-racism, and implicit bias you hold, and learn to combat it so you can become an even better physician for all people in the future. We all have some sort of bias, but what makes us better people is acknowledging it and working on it. Beyond citing black friends and expressing outrage over the killings, work on continuing to educate yourself about the struggle a person of color faces through reading books or listening to experiences.

What I love about NYMC specifically is that people are open to discussion, the class is diverse, and everyone wants each other to do well. The camaraderie I have seen at NYMC is unlike anything I have ever experienced. If I need extra help in a particular part of school, I know that I can talk to any of my classmates who have been more than willing to share notes, allow me into an ANKI group, or share their understanding of it. The friends I’ve made here are always there to listen about school or life without judgement. Hanging out every day with my six roommates has made medical school an adventure rather than a pain. Whether it be trips to Manhattan, comedy shows, wine nights, or spilling popcorn and hot sauce on the apartment floor, I love all my time with them. Some of the funniest moments we’ve had are times when I’m spanking my little brothers/roommates in video games or beer pong and being rewarded with them paying me or cleaning my dishes if we bet on it. Although they mutter curses or give me the finger, I know deep down they enjoy losing to me. I’m looking forward to seeing all of my NYMC family again and hearing all their summer fun over a beer!

What are your 5 Most Recently Played Artists on Spotify? 
Drake, J-Cole, Maroon 5, Usher, Cardi B (Don’t judge me)

If you could have any superpower, which one would you choose?
To control my height. I’m already pretty tall, but I would grow a few inches so I can finally make the NBA.

Pick something or someone from NYMC to give a shout-out to!
I’m shouting out the dude who’s been telling people ALL summer he can beat me in Smash Bros on Nintendo. You know who you are – I can’t wait to battle it out when I get back to NY!

If someone wants to talk to you, they should lead with:
Whaddup, Whaddup