EPISODE 33: Sarriyah Hanif
Interview by Anna Williams
September 21, 2020
Trigger Warning: Suicide
During finals week of Block 2, I was standing outside of the library, in the lobby, when I got a call and learned that my close friend, Max, had committed suicide. I don't really cry, I’m not that type of person, but I ran into Nevins and broke down. I can't even begin to explain what it feels like to lose someone so unexpectedly, to have them ripped out of your life so soon and without any explanation.
Even though it was the most stressful time of M1, my amazing NYMC family helped me pull through. I feel so blessed to have met some of the most incredible people in med school. Everyone’s so caring and compassionate here, and I definitely wouldn’t have gotten through it without them.
When we watched Do No Harm during Block 3, it brought back a lot of memories of Max. I can't remember all of the moments we shared, but I remember how he made me feel. He made everyone feel so loved and happy, like they were on top of the world.
Physician suicide is a harsh reality of the career we’re about to enter. I hope we're able to lean on each other and feel comfortable sharing our struggles with each other. I hope that we can create that safe space for each other going forward. But most of all, I hope we have the strength to admit when we’re not okay. I'm very open and I’m not afraid to speak about who I am. I think that’s made it easy for me to form close connections and create my own support system, wherever I am. I know that’s a little harder for other people, who aren't able to open up in the same way. Being able to recognize that in other people is really important. When I think back to what happened with Max, none of us knew that there was anything wrong and he seemed to be the happiest person in the world. How do you help someone who's hurting so quietly and so privately? Someone who doesn't want to show that side of themselves?
As someone who was born and raised in Queens, I was devastated to see New York at the epicenter of COVID. I was scared to go home because I live with my grandparents. Not being able to see them inspired me to start Phone-a-Senior. Med students could video chat with residents at a nursing home in Queens, where my cousin was the Director of Recreation. It was such an amazing thing. The people involved spoke different languages, but they communicated in creative ways. We have recordings of the elderly singing to students and students drew pictures for the residents. They formed really close relationships in such a short amount of time.
We lost a lot of people along the way. I had never met them, I had never even talked to some of them, but it really personified the numbers in the news. They’re not just statistics. They’re actual people out there. Someone said to me, “you were able to give them that last bit of companionship in those moments.” That was a great way to look at it. It's a little scary because, as physicians, death is something that we’ll have to confront more often than we would in another profession. It was a great experience, but it didn't come without its pain and loss.
I’ve been a percussionist since I was 10 years old. It's so funny, I’m so short that people always joke that “I’m always heard, but never seen.” In high school, I was in two band classes every day for four years. My band teacher still shoots me an email every once in a while to see how I’m doing. During quarantine, he started playing his trombone from his porch, and all of his neighbors would come out to listen. I told him to do “My Heart Will Go On” from the Titanic and he sent me a recording of it. It was so cool seeing people using music as a way to connect. We had to be socially distanced, but this beautiful music could still be shared.
Jazz percussion was my favorite genre for sure. Rock was pretty fun too, but jazz is an unspoken form of communication. You literally don't speak a word; you just vibe with each other. To learn a song I've never even heard before, I can just go off of someone else's groove. Music is such a beautiful and harmonious way to connect with other people, honestly. I really enjoyed that and I’m still passionate about it. (Shoutout to the NYMC Jam Club!)
I’m the first person from my family to graduate from college and the first to enter the healthcare field. My parents grew up in Guyana, which is a country in South America. They always provided me with a lot of support, but they came from a completely different education system so they couldn’t provide me with much guidance. I've always loved math so, growing up, people would ask me why I didn’t want to go into a career in math. My answer? I love people more than math! I knew that whatever career I ended up in, I needed to be talking to people, engaging with people, helping them however I could. I’ve had to hustle to make it to where I am today, but I couldn’t be more excited to be entering a field that fosters connection, compassion, and communication.
A message from Sarriyah: COVID has been deleterious to everyone’s mental health. I know this time has been tough for everyone, but, in recognition of Suicide Prevention month, I urge you all to check on people in your life who might be hurting. For suicide prevention resources, check out the following sites:
What are your 5 Most Recently Played Artists on Spotify?
I’m more of an Apple Music person, but Ozuna, Drake, Kehlani, Major Lazer, and Collie Budz
If you could have any superpower, which one would you choose?
Definitely flying, but maybe with a forcefield around me so bugs don't get stuck in my hair!
Pick something or someone from NYMC to give a shout-out to!
The Public Enemas. Pretty bummed that our football careers went into early retirement! And RIP to Apartment 1412 :(
If someone wants to talk to you, they should lead with:
Literally anything! I love a good pun, or even a height joke (I can handle it, I promise)