EPIsode 29: ami merker

August 2, 2020

Before starting at NYMC, I lived in Boston for four years. I was working a job and I paid my rent and I went out with my friends and I traveled and I did all sorts of things. Having those freedoms, which doubled as responsibilities, allowed me to transition into being an adult. Those years after college were really important to me. I feel like a more—and I hate to use this phrase—“well-rounded person” because of those years. Taking time before medical school helped me understand the magnanimity of this profession. Being a doctor is more than just walking into an exam room and diagnosing someone or cutting someone open. It's really about relationships, understanding the needs of different people, and how to work with them. It was really important to me to have real life experiences before jumping back into an academic setting.
 
When I applied to NYMC, I was accepted for the next class year so I had a year to do whatever I wanted. To my surprise, it ended up being one of the most difficult years of my life. I left my full-time job and picked up a few part-time jobs, thinking I would enjoy a change of pace. Well, I didn’t. Although I'm generally very go-with-the-flow, I didn’t like running from place to place and having an unpredictable schedule. I like to know what's coming up ahead: where my next paycheck is coming from and how tomorrow will look.
 
That year was particularly difficult for me because that September my aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The day my dad told our family was probably the worst day of my life. I was very close with my aunt; she was always supportive and encouraging, not only of her immediate family, but also her extended family and all of her friends. She spoke her mind and gave advice, but she would never judge or be anything but supportive once you made a decision, whether or not you listened to her advice! When I nervously told her I’d be spending the year piecing together odd jobs, she said, “Wow! You’re going to have so many existential crises; it’s gonna be GREAT!” And she was right; I definitely did. My aunt passed away seven months after being diagnosed. I find myself thinking about her a lot: how she cared for others and loved her family so deeply. I try to be just as dedicated to my own relationships.
 
I put a lot of work into relationships, whether it’s with my family, friends, or patients from my clinical experiences. I find personal relationships and interactions really fascinating. When you put effort into them, the outcome is generally pretty rewarding, but each relationship is different and I think it’s important to recognize that. Relationships with family and friends change as you grow and become a different person from who you were as a child. Being mature and aware of how your actions affect other people is something that's very important to me. I'm a very rational and logical person and, in my mind, rationalizing another person’s actions helps me to better understand our relationship and how I can best support them. Talking to people and discovering why someone thinks or acts a certain way is sort of what makes the world go round.
 
I think one of the major reasons we have so many issues in the world right now is because people don't know how to listen to each other. Institutional and individual racism, growing anti-semitism, and blocking suffering people from finding a safe haven in this country are just a few of the issues that make me wonder how people can treat each other so poorly. If we don't learn how to work together, be more understanding and, be better supporters of one another, we're going to blow up this planet sooner than we want to, both figuratively and literally.
 
I feel so incredibly fortunate that up to this point, my family has been safe and doing well. Obviously, there are so many different perspectives about what’s been happening with COVID-19, but I think everybody’s struggle is important. Most of us are grieving. Many are grieving the loss of a loved one. And we’re all grieving the loss of our prior lives and getting used to changes that we never could’ve imagined. I think maintaining relationships and being there for family and friends is the most important thing right now, especially as we all struggle getting used to this new reality. This has been a very challenging time for our country and the whole world, really.
 
This spring, transitioning into the online curriculum was difficult because my motivation was so low and I was completely exhausted from second block. I remember thinking, “I never want to do anything again.” Right after the first exam of third block, I was 10 lectures behind. I had taken too many days off. Not being in an environment where other people are studying constantly was hard for me. One of the main reasons I decided to live on campus in the first place was because I really like the motivation of going to the library and seeing everybody working and having that sense of camaraderie (but also communal suffering). Losing those tangible relationships with my classmates was hard for me because, even though everybody in my house was working all day, it didn't quite feel the same. I’m looking forward to being back on campus and seeing everyone again, even if face-to-face time is limited.

What are your 5 Most Recently Played Artists on Spotify? 
James Taylor, Cher, Ripe, Andrea Bocelli, and Lake Street Dive

If you could have any superpower, which one would you choose?
I’m a slow runner, so a little bit of speed would be nice!

Pick something or someone from NYMC to give a shout-out to!
My roommates!

If someone wants to talk to you, they should lead with:
Like, “what’s up?” I don’t know... Some people have really funny answers to this, but I guess just, “hey, how’s it going?”