EPISODE 32: REDAB ALNIFAIDY

September 7, 2020

G-d does not burden a soul Beyond what it can bear (Quran 2:286)
 
I think of that whenever I’m in a tough spot – if I need to be resilient. It makes me feel strong, like I’m not alone. He understands what I’m going through and has designed the challenge specifically for me. There will be a time when I will have gotten through this. G-d saves the hardest battles for his strongest soldiers, as they say in other religions. I think about that too.
 
What’s a time I’ve been scared? It was junior year of college. I was struggling being able to do anything those days and then one day I just broke down. I had a panic attack. I remember I was on the phone crying to my friend, not knowing what I was going to do. It felt like it was going to last forever, and it was so, so scary. I was so thankful that my friend picked up the phone because I simply didn’t know if my family would have been supportive. My parents, especially my dad, have the belief that if your faith is strong, then you’re not going to have issues with your mental health – and if you do have issues, they can be done away with spiritually.
 
I would say there is definitely a cultural gap between me, my parents, and even my two siblings who are ten and seven years older than I am. I was born in Cairo, Egypt, but I am Sudanese. When my mom was pregnant with me, the doctors in Sudan were worried about possible complications due to her blood type and they weren’t able to give her the medical care she needed. So, my family moved to Cairo to birth me, and when I was 1 year old, we moved to the United States.
 
That sets up a really big cultural gap. I was very much raised here – I understand the culture, the norms, and I very much identify as an American. On the other hand, my family spent most of their lives in other countries, and even my siblings have a greater internalization of Sudanese culture that I don’t have. When they moved here, they were in middle school, so they had already formed their worldviews. They had to learn English and they made friends with a lot more immigrant children, whereas I was much more ingrained into the American culture from the start. I also think they had to kind of figure out a way on their own whereas I had a lot more guidance through specialized programs in school and I was eventually able to go on to schools like Princeton and Georgetown. So, I don’t know how much they were able to connect with me academically as well.
 
One of the biggest differences is that my family and I deal with issues very differently. They are much more traditional whereas I am more willing to try non-traditional things, especially when it comes to taboo subjects like mental health. I don’t know how much my siblings struggle with mental illness but after I was diagnosed with depression I decided to see a therapist and take medication. I’m not sure that’s something they necessarily approve of or the course they would choose to take themselves.
 
Getting diagnosed with depression in college was really the impetus for me getting closer to G-d and starting to wear hijab. I remember writing a journal entry at some point that said something to the extent of if I had to go through all of this in order to get closer to G-d, then it’s worth it. I might even be able to do it again if it’ll get me even closer. So, I definitely rely on my faith for a lot of comfort, but it’s not a cure the way I think my family, especially my parents, see it. I think religion in general is made for people at their worst. It comes from a place of instilling self-value and striving towards something greater than yourself.
 
My relationship with religion and my pursuit of medicine are deeply intertwined. What better way to honor G-d than to study and really understand His creation? Having gone to various doctors’ offices over the years, I have a good understanding of being a patient and what I’ll need to do as a physician to make my patients feel comfortable. My communities, the religious community, the Black community, and the immigrant community, are all in need of more providers who understand their backgrounds and cultures. For me, it’s all about patient education – explaining the diagnosis and options with an understanding of the patient’s contexts in mind.
 
I also think that that’s a huge issue in the Black community in this country with what injustices have occurred, especially medically. Having a trust cushion with your patients is vitally important, and sometimes that trust is just not there. I think that falls at the crossroads of my identities, as both an African-American, who can trace their genealogy in Africa back a number of generations, and also as a Black American who has come to this country and looks just like the Black Americans who have lived here for generations. When my mother sees a picture of a Black person killed by police for example, she says oh my goodness, they look just like a relative of mine. It feels closer to home even though we don’t share the exact same culture. I feel the same way.
 
As a physician, I plan to get more involved in patient education in local communities like the one I grew up in. I think they’d find some comfort in seeing a Muslim woman in hijab as their gynecologist, for example. I know a lot of conservative women would much prefer that. Similarly, I think those in the Black community may also find comfort in my care and I hope to play that role through all of my identities, in these communities that I can help.
 
When I told my dad I wanted to pursue medical school, he was initially unsupportive. I think he saw how hard it was on me to deal with my mental health in the past, so he pushed me to do something that was less stressful. But since starting, I’ve told him about how well I was doing and how much I was enjoying it, and he’s turned around. He’s a lot more supportive now, and he says he’s sorry for ever doubting me.
 
I love medical school. I still think the human body is just fascinating. I think what helps keep me going the most is that I keep the wonder there.
 
I always remember, G-d does not burden a soul Beyond what it can bear (Quran 2:286)

What are your 5 Most Recently Played Artists on Spotify? 
J Balvin, Lil Wayne, Ciara, Missy Elliott, Ariana Grande.

If you could have any superpower, which one would you choose?
Controlled mind-reading

If someone wants to talk to you, they should lead with: "Hey! Nice Humans story!"