episode 8: roy miller

2/11/2021

I was five years old when we moved from Israel to the San Fernando Valley. My parents had a successful business in Israel but after their divorce, they decided that we would have better opportunities if we moved to the States. So, my mom, my older brother and I came to live with my mom’s parents for a year. Leaving my dad and his side of the family back in Israel was hard. I didn’t know a lick of English and I had a ponytail down to the middle of my back. Something unique about my family here in California is that they all live within the same block. I'm talking like 20 family members who all live just across the street from each other. One of my aunts runs an animal rescue out of her backyard. When you see my morning group chat animal pictures, that’s where all the horses and goats are from. The farm is called “Kfar Saba”. “Saba” means grandpa in Hebrew and “Kfar” means village, so it’s “Village of Grandpa” urban farm. I knew I had great support behind me as I looked to find home in a new country. 

From a young age, my mom (a businesswoman) would always repeat two things: 1) always be aware of your finances and 2) it's not what you know, it's who you know. There is nothing more powerful than the connections you make with others. At first, elementary school was tough, as I spent most of my time trying to learn English as a second grader. I definitely recognize that I'm able to kind of find a spot with people. By fourth grade, I became student body president which was a stark contrast to the feeling of being an outsider I felt when we first moved. However, I've had times when I doubted my ability to fit in too. In fifth grade, after elementary school, people tend to go to the same middle school. But we moved towns -- I was going to a different middle school and I hated that. I was committed to being that loner kid so I could get my mom to switch my schools back with my friends. I made that happen; it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. The first day I ate lunch by myself. I didn't talk to anybody and I came home, cried for like eight hours, and made this whole scene. Then on the second day I met a friend and later found a friend group and it became better. I learned that new places just means new people to meet. 

I definitely believe that when you meet people there's this exchange of energy. You can feel when someone's open to talking to you and you can feel when someone's more closed off. It's something I got from my aunt who I call “Doda”. Some would consider Doda quirky; she is very spiritual and is into reading energies and stuff. But we’ve always connected about the feeling that people give off energy, even if that’s just through eye-contact, body language or nonverbal communication. If you remain open in your mind and heart, people feel that and know they can approach you.

The weirdest thing that's probably ever happened to me was when I was at grad school in Boston and I decided to go on a walk after finishing up a long night of studying. It was like 11 o’clock at night and just as I got to the bridge, I saw this dude. So I’m walking across the bridge with my hoodie up, definitely not looking approachable or anything. But I had this thought in my head that I would walk across this bridge and if this guy were to strike up a conversation, I'd stop and talk with him. I didn't look at him and just kept walking forward. He stopped me. We started talking and it quickly became clear that he needed someone to listen. He told me he'd been going through this depression and was far away from home. It just got super deep super quick. I ended up walking him to his car and then a few weeks later he sent me a message on Facebook saying “I ended up going to the hospital after that night and seeking help and I'm all good now”. And like what a crazy coincidence that I could help this guy! And I think it’s because I kept my energy open and he felt that so I got to be there for him.

When I got to medical school, I made the conscious decision that I was going to be as involved as possible. If I'm setting the foundation for the rest of my life I need to do it to the fullest and to me that doesn't just mean classwork; that means building a team of as many people as I can. If someone knows me, I want them to know that I am on their team. I’m someone who will move things along for them if they need help and I can. I don’t remember specifically thinking “hey, I'm gonna start dropping these animal gifs in the group chat every morning” but I did it once and then I did it twice and then I just kept going. It transformed into me asking people for pet suggestions and then shouting them out. Now I was able to showcase our people, our classmates. If I tag you, people could press on your profile and know, ‘oh this person’s in our class and I know something about them now’. I was able to bring people together in this way. I know it’s a small thing, but I think the small things get slept on. If someone emails or texts me, I'll always reply as soon as I see it. My thought is if someone takes the time to personally reach out to me, which I’ve learned that’s not always easy for people, then it is my responsibility to get back to them. I'm the type of person who will talk to anyone, like I will bother you if I see you in public. But I had to learn that not everyone's comfortable with that and so if someone hits you up, it’s on you to validate that. I think that goes a long way. 

Before medical school, and before COVID, my whole life revolved around martial arts. I started karate when I was like 4 or 5 and then I did Capoeira, which is like Brazilian dance fighting, then I did Israeli Jiu Jitsu and Krav Maga, which is what the Israeli Defense Force uses for self-defense. And then from there I transitioned to a mixed martial arts studio and have practiced there for the last 12 years. So that’s my second family. Teaching martial arts was my first job. I never fought - I never got in the cage - but for me it’s about the training and the discipline and the community. I started doing private lessons for children with developmental disorders. And some of the most profound experiences were when I had students that were completely nonverbal. I saw that even when you don't have words, you have movement. I can pass you a ball and you can pass the ball back. You can mimic me hanging on the pull up bar. I saw exercise as a tool, and it obviously changed something within these kids that allowed them to connect not only with me but their peers. You couldn’t have seen it coming in the beginning when it was just a student and their mom and me on a mat in the empty studio, but eventually they would join the general classes with ease. I’ve seen the same thing teaching boxing to individuals with Parkinson’s or older folks that my brother, who is a physical therapist, trains in weightlifting. I think that not only the physical but mental benefits of exercise are being slept on . . . like why is this not prescribed?

A normal day for me these days is: I get up at 11 a.m., lollygag around, and then I study from 1PM to 11PM. And that works well because the rest of my roommates are on that schedule too; we’re all night owls. I play video games these days after I’m done studying at night. It’s how I connect with my friends back home in California. I got my first gaming laptop as a medical student and gaming just blew my mind because it feels like I get to hang out with my friends again. I'm also a big music aficionado and I’ve been using Spotify sessions as a way to hang out with my friends. You both queue up songs and listen together; I love to start my day that way. I love a lot of different types of music. I'm in group chats dedicated to discussing music and discovering new music. Pre-covid world I was going to concerts like once or twice a week; that was very much my biggest financial and time commitment outside of school. I've been to Coachella . . . have you heard of it? Future festival stops on my list are Outside Lands, Lollapalooza, Electric Forest, and EDC. And then when I'm 40 I'll go to Burning Man. See you guys there!

What are some of your other hobbies?
I’m starting to get into streaming and so this is a shameless plug for my twitch ‘royinprogress’. But there have been so many times when I talked to someone and thought about that conversation for long after. I think our community of very unique and interesting students provides the perfect setting to pick each other’s brains, and I want to be able to share that with others.

What are your five most recently played artists on Spotify?
Lido, Vince Staples, Pop Smoke, RUFUS Du Sol, and Goldlink

What’s your best piece of advice for your fellow classmates?
If I could tell anyone one thing, it’s to keep things as low stress as possible. When things get tough, reach out to others for some support and Good Vibes! Commit to relaxing.

What is your pre-exam ritual?
The night before I like playing video games. I write ‘Good Vibes Only’ on my whiteboard. The morning of, I wake up an hour before the exam, take a shower, and then stand out on my patio for like five minutes. I play my pre-exam song, Nonstop by Drake. I fist bump all my roommates. We tell each other good luck and that we’re gonna smash it. And then I turn on my diffuser and keep it going through the exam. I’m big into scents.

What’s been helping you get through the pandemic?
Vibing online with friends . . . honestly the pandemic has probably increased the amount we talk since everyone is on their computer all the time. Glass half full!

What’s your deli sandwich order?
‘The Californian’ at Valhalla Deli is really good. Plus, extra pickles . . . always.