Episode 24: Sam desantis

August 26, 2019

In the third grade, my music teacher said to my entire class: “Sam, you looked like a black dot on a white wall up there.” It was right after my first ever chorus concert, and I was informed that while all of the other kids were standing in the bleachers pin straight, I had been swaying back and forth to the music. It was so embarrassing, and it’s the first time I remember being hyper-aware of conformity, and became very conscious of standing out and being liked.

I was a weird kid when I was younger. I got bullied a lot. The social worker in my elementary school had “friendship clubs” for the kids who had trouble socially, and people would be invited to eat lunch with you in her office. My neighbor came to mine once, he was normally kind of a bad kid but was nice to me then. I was also pretty heavy at this time, and found out people were signaling me out for my body. It was super tough.

I started working hard to develop these “likable qualities” that other kids seemed to have, figuring that if I emulated them, they would become real parts of my personality. And it worked, kind of. Throughout high school and into college I had a pretty normal, healthy social life. However, I think that some of the fake confidence became a part of who I was. A lot of people see me now as the kid who bullied other kids in high school, and I still see myself as the third-grader who needed the social worker to teach them how to make friends. It’s hard, because neither of these things are true. I’m working on it, but I still think a lot about what other people think of me, and I wish I didn’t.

All of this sort of has to do with why music is my favorite thing. It’s one of the few things where it doesn’t matter to me what other people think about my tastes and interests. When you’re playing music with other people, it’s all about vibing and listening to other people. You’re having a unique shared experience that only exists in that moment. Every part is essential, every voice and instrument gets to be heard. Even if you’re the only one swaying to the music.

What are your 5 Most Recently Played Artists on Spotify?
Bon Iver, PUP, Big Thief, The National, Young Thug

If you could have any superpower, which one would you choose?
Stopping Time, I always feel like I'm running out both in the micro-scale "I'm late for class", and the macro "Life is fleeting" sense. I wish I could just slow things down for a bit.

Pick something or someone from NYMC to give out a shout to!
The Cafe staff for always being so friendly and kind!

If someone wanted to talk to you, they should lead with:
Music! Tell me about the last time you sang in the car and what got you so excited.